How to recover from the 12 hour attitude virus
If any of you follow Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday tips, you’ll know this week was about the 24 hour attitude make over. I think most of us don’t need it. We just need to cool off or re-focus. Talking to a friend on Tuesday by lunch time she wanted June 2, 2009 removed from history. The days started on the wrong note and she could not find anything going her way. I should add this is a remarkable positive and outgoing person on any given day. By lunch it was so bad she canceled the rest of the day and conceded it was not going to turn around. Yesterday, I had my turn. A little different, my day was going great until mid-day. Only one thing went wrong, but after that I was completely frustrated and couldn’t get over it.
I talk a lot about people with long term issues/attitudes that need to be confronted. Well all of us are human and even those who are the fun Bobby in the crowd can lose their cool. Sometimes you can’t “just let it go” or “take a few deep breaths” or “find your happy place.” Since you can’t have the day removed from history, I say concede the day. If you have the level of self awareness to find your frustration at its max, then avoid all others. I’ll even admit I thought I had my self awareness was good enough yesterday, but my frustration was so great it created an illusion. I sent off an email to the wrong person that was just plain rude. They called me and confronted me on it. I took the time to talk to them and apologize, but it could have been avoided. If you must communicate, write emails expressing how you really feel, but send them to yourself.
I still believe we control our attitudes and we have the choice of whether or not it’s a good day or a bad day. However, on some days we just don’t have the energy or focus to turn it around. If those days are often (few times a month), then I’d suggest the problem is bigger than you think, but if they occur once every few months, then cancel the meetings, put up the out of office and reboot again the next day. Some might suggest a strong happy hour, but realize that what you’ve been thinking while you have been sober may come out while you are drunk at the bar and find its way to your Facebook status.
If you couldn’t turn it around and had a somewhat full schedule would you call it a day?
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
The Race I Didn’t Finish
“Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes” – Oscar Wilde
It’s been eight months since the NY Road Runners marathon tune up race in Central Park. Not a day goes by that I don’t remember it. I’m reminded every day I run w/ the blue shirt, which has a tear in it from me ripping the race number off. The reminders in medical bills from the trip to the hospital (which could have been much worse w/o the great insurance Boeing provides me). I’m reminded every time I look at the medal from the NYC Marathon that hangs in my room, because I know it almost didn’t happen.
On the morning of Sunday September 28, 2008 I woke up after a night of barely sleeping. It was noisier than usual for the city that night. I was convinced every cab stopped in front of my friend’s building and laid on their horn for at least 5 minutes. I thought for a moment, what if I skipped the race. No, I told myself. I needed to run 18 miles today otherwise I wouldn’t reach my goal for the marathon (just over a month away). I skipped a good breakfast because I didn’t check if the milk was fresh the night before.
After the race I was going to head to Shea Stadium for the last game there. I was so focused on that game I didn’t scout the race course. Central Park has more hills than most realize. Three laps around those hills are painful. Add to that an unusually humid day in late September and you can see this was no going to be some walk in the park.
My goal was 9:30 miles. However, before the first lap was done I knew that was out the reach. By mile seven I was feeling the hills and the humidity. I was drinking too much water and Gatorade. Each mile that went by I couldn’t see how I was going to get to run 18 miles. At mile 10 I was walking more and as I finished my second lap, I started thinking about where I would stop. It was there just beyond the 13 mile marker I made my way to the ambulance.
I wrote about this story because I struggle with the thought of people who estimated they spend 20% of their time following up on people who do not do what they said. I’ve recently encountered this at work and in my personal life more so than usual. I wonder why they are not following through. I wonder if it could be that maybe a piece is missing and they don’t want to return the call or email until it’s all done. Maybe they are waiting on a return call or maybe they didn’t understand the request and they’re afraid to ask.
On a day when I failed to finish the race I was able to still do so much. I ran 13.1 miles (a half marathon) which is never easy. I learned about being better prepared and that sometimes you need to deviate from the plan. I was reminded how much my family cared about me, even if they yelled at me before I went to the hospital. My two points, if not obvious, in failure focus on all you’ve learned. If you don’t meet your goal or others expectations, realize why. Tell them the progress you’ve made. Don’t be afraid to tell them you’re busy and need to renegotiate the deadline. In a world where we judge others by actions and ourselves by our intentions, remember something sounds better than hearing nothing. You’ll find that those who really want to see you succeed are those who are with you when times are tough.
It’s been eight months since the NY Road Runners marathon tune up race in Central Park. Not a day goes by that I don’t remember it. I’m reminded every day I run w/ the blue shirt, which has a tear in it from me ripping the race number off. The reminders in medical bills from the trip to the hospital (which could have been much worse w/o the great insurance Boeing provides me). I’m reminded every time I look at the medal from the NYC Marathon that hangs in my room, because I know it almost didn’t happen.
On the morning of Sunday September 28, 2008 I woke up after a night of barely sleeping. It was noisier than usual for the city that night. I was convinced every cab stopped in front of my friend’s building and laid on their horn for at least 5 minutes. I thought for a moment, what if I skipped the race. No, I told myself. I needed to run 18 miles today otherwise I wouldn’t reach my goal for the marathon (just over a month away). I skipped a good breakfast because I didn’t check if the milk was fresh the night before.
After the race I was going to head to Shea Stadium for the last game there. I was so focused on that game I didn’t scout the race course. Central Park has more hills than most realize. Three laps around those hills are painful. Add to that an unusually humid day in late September and you can see this was no going to be some walk in the park.
My goal was 9:30 miles. However, before the first lap was done I knew that was out the reach. By mile seven I was feeling the hills and the humidity. I was drinking too much water and Gatorade. Each mile that went by I couldn’t see how I was going to get to run 18 miles. At mile 10 I was walking more and as I finished my second lap, I started thinking about where I would stop. It was there just beyond the 13 mile marker I made my way to the ambulance.
I wrote about this story because I struggle with the thought of people who estimated they spend 20% of their time following up on people who do not do what they said. I’ve recently encountered this at work and in my personal life more so than usual. I wonder why they are not following through. I wonder if it could be that maybe a piece is missing and they don’t want to return the call or email until it’s all done. Maybe they are waiting on a return call or maybe they didn’t understand the request and they’re afraid to ask.
On a day when I failed to finish the race I was able to still do so much. I ran 13.1 miles (a half marathon) which is never easy. I learned about being better prepared and that sometimes you need to deviate from the plan. I was reminded how much my family cared about me, even if they yelled at me before I went to the hospital. My two points, if not obvious, in failure focus on all you’ve learned. If you don’t meet your goal or others expectations, realize why. Tell them the progress you’ve made. Don’t be afraid to tell them you’re busy and need to renegotiate the deadline. In a world where we judge others by actions and ourselves by our intentions, remember something sounds better than hearing nothing. You’ll find that those who really want to see you succeed are those who are with you when times are tough.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Ready, Aim, Fire, then Aim again
You can’t fear commitment in your goals
One of the workshops I deliver is called “Careers Don’t Happen By Accident.” The session walks participants through the process of identifying likes and abilities in preparation of identifying career or lifetime goals. We conclude with building action plans on how to achieve the ability/skill needed accomplish those goals. I share my career path and the decisions I’ve made to help participants in setting up those action plans.
An interesting thing happens in many of these sessions; people worry about making the wrong decisions. I see the same thing in college students who are seeking a job. The hesitation sounds like this: “I’d really like a job doing structural analysis, but I’m flexible. I can do other types of engineering work. I just don’t want to be tied down to one thing forever.” All this is normal and part of being human, the problem begins when you fail to commit to any plan.
Some act like they are signing their name in blood when setting goals. They fear that once you set a target that it can’t change or that maybe they will change and they’ll want something different. I’ve been in this situation many times. I can assure you that it hurts yourself more by not making a commitment to a goal, rather than changing your mind in pursuit of it. Even if you never change your mind and just fall short of the goal, you’ll still learn so much through the endeavor.
When you choose to not commit you miss opportunities. You make decisions that are independent of each other and find yourself walking in a circle. This also results in losing trust of those around you. They begin to see you as an unpredictable person and they may not offer you opportunities, projects, or job offers since they don’t know where you are going. The other downside is that when we are stagnant we tend to get caught in a rut or hole. I’ve been there it’s not easy to get out and your performance suffers.
If you want make commitments to a goal, but still find yourself fearful, here are a couple of suggestions I’ve seen work with others. First, start with small goals you feel you can accomplish. Identify what would be a stretch for that same goal. You end up with is a range that defines success. Be sure when creating a goal you identify your motivation for each. Think about what the goal will feel like, the rewards or satisfaction. This will help give you inspiration if you have to put in extra work in achieving them.
Next, make sure you surround yourself with the right people. Those people should have similar aspirations as you and be prepared to hold you accountable. I find this key with financial and fitness goals, but it applies to them all. If you have a goal to save up money and you find yourself eating out all the time, then you’re not lining yourself up right. For each of my goals I try to align at least one sponsor or mentor. I’m not saying drop your friends, but you lose a lot of momentum when you are constantly fighting to survive friends bringing you in a different direction. Remember not everyone has to align with all your goals. Sometimes just sharing your goals with friends or co-workers could change the impact they have on you.
Finally, revaluate your goal as time goes along and see if it feels right. Your gut feeling is right 9 out of 10 times, learn to trust it. Also, pulse your goals against the environment around you. People, companies and markets all change. As things change or if things don’t feel right, just do small adjustments to the course you’re taking. Be creative in carving your own road. Don't fall victim to the ready, aim, aim syndrome.
One of the workshops I deliver is called “Careers Don’t Happen By Accident.” The session walks participants through the process of identifying likes and abilities in preparation of identifying career or lifetime goals. We conclude with building action plans on how to achieve the ability/skill needed accomplish those goals. I share my career path and the decisions I’ve made to help participants in setting up those action plans.
An interesting thing happens in many of these sessions; people worry about making the wrong decisions. I see the same thing in college students who are seeking a job. The hesitation sounds like this: “I’d really like a job doing structural analysis, but I’m flexible. I can do other types of engineering work. I just don’t want to be tied down to one thing forever.” All this is normal and part of being human, the problem begins when you fail to commit to any plan.
Some act like they are signing their name in blood when setting goals. They fear that once you set a target that it can’t change or that maybe they will change and they’ll want something different. I’ve been in this situation many times. I can assure you that it hurts yourself more by not making a commitment to a goal, rather than changing your mind in pursuit of it. Even if you never change your mind and just fall short of the goal, you’ll still learn so much through the endeavor.
When you choose to not commit you miss opportunities. You make decisions that are independent of each other and find yourself walking in a circle. This also results in losing trust of those around you. They begin to see you as an unpredictable person and they may not offer you opportunities, projects, or job offers since they don’t know where you are going. The other downside is that when we are stagnant we tend to get caught in a rut or hole. I’ve been there it’s not easy to get out and your performance suffers.
If you want make commitments to a goal, but still find yourself fearful, here are a couple of suggestions I’ve seen work with others. First, start with small goals you feel you can accomplish. Identify what would be a stretch for that same goal. You end up with is a range that defines success. Be sure when creating a goal you identify your motivation for each. Think about what the goal will feel like, the rewards or satisfaction. This will help give you inspiration if you have to put in extra work in achieving them.
Next, make sure you surround yourself with the right people. Those people should have similar aspirations as you and be prepared to hold you accountable. I find this key with financial and fitness goals, but it applies to them all. If you have a goal to save up money and you find yourself eating out all the time, then you’re not lining yourself up right. For each of my goals I try to align at least one sponsor or mentor. I’m not saying drop your friends, but you lose a lot of momentum when you are constantly fighting to survive friends bringing you in a different direction. Remember not everyone has to align with all your goals. Sometimes just sharing your goals with friends or co-workers could change the impact they have on you.
Finally, revaluate your goal as time goes along and see if it feels right. Your gut feeling is right 9 out of 10 times, learn to trust it. Also, pulse your goals against the environment around you. People, companies and markets all change. As things change or if things don’t feel right, just do small adjustments to the course you’re taking. Be creative in carving your own road. Don't fall victim to the ready, aim, aim syndrome.
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