Why I won't flake on my wedding today

A few years ago I was participating in a team offsite where we were all asked to define the probability (0 to 100%) of us showing up to an event. If we responded to the planner saying ‘yes’ I'll be there, then we were asked the same question using the responses ‘maybe’, ‘I think so’, ‘possibly’, ‘no’ and a few others. The summary from the team just to the response of ‘yes’ shocked me. While I said 100%, the team was not consistent. Answers ranged from 50 to 98%. As we went through ten or so other possible responses that covered everything between 'yes' and 'no' I was less surprised. As expected the numbers were all over the map, ranging from 0 to 95%. My answer to all the 'maybe' type of responses was zero. My logic here is I don't answer with a response of maybe. I also said zero when I selected a response of 'no'. Again the team shocked me when some gave a probability higher than zero for when they responded 'no'. When people do this I'm personally annoyed cause I now have to accommodate someone who gave me no indication they would show. I like surprises to the extent that it doesn't adversely affect the planning.

Over the last decade I've organized hundreds of meetings, events and trips. Nothing entertains me more than the consistent flake. In fact for my adventure group we have a tracking mechanism for flakes. Could you imagine if you had a stat tracker for co-workers, friends or family members with events you organize? You would think anger might be the feeling, but when you see the trends you hopefully might understand my perspective. Some classic examples include the person who has a cancellation rate of 100%, the people who cancel within a few hours of their friend canceling or my person favorite is those who cancel at the very last minute due to an emergency. The reason the last answer gets me the most is how close to event time these people wait to say that they have encountered an emergency. I've seen so many 'I had an emergency' responses over the years that I unfortunately see the person as a poor planner before giving them empathy. Don't get me wrong emergencies happen however, from my point of view, most of the time the person seems to be holding on to hope for a last minute miracle. I'm sorry to say, but when you bail on a trip because you had 'work pop up' or 'needed to get homework done for a class' it says to me that you failed to meet your other commitments and my event is now a lower priority on your list.

I could go on with other examples, but I may offend those classic flakers. Maybe its just that I have an appreciation for the event planner or it could be that I plan my commitments better. I will admit I have flaked, so I am not perfect. Coincidentally it seems that the few times when I did flake the event tanked or turned into a disaster. That's still not a good excuse. For me my response of yes means 100% assurance I will be there. I don't operate with maybe in my vocabulary. I know for some, maybe is a way of life. It is a great response to use so you can upgrade to another event without shame.

I'm sure when you read the title you thought of course I wouldn't flake on my own wedding, but I hope you see it’s obvious for a different reason. Those who know me understand I take commitments of all sizes seriously. I know at times we are pressured for quick answers, but you should have the right to request time to consider your ability to commit.

The question I have for you is if you hold the reputation with your peers as one of a person they can count on when you say yes or if you are a flaker. If it’s the latter, then think about your answer the next time you make a commitment.