The Good that Comes from the Bad

Eight years ago tonight, I got the worst imaginable call someone could receive. It was one of those calls that no one could ever prepare for. On January 29, 2002, my family’s world was forever changed when my father was struck and killed by a hit-and-run driver. As my brother says, it still feels like a really bad dream.

I could go on endlessly about the tragedy of that event, but I’d rather focus on the positive again today. My family turned our heartbreak into something positive. At the time of my father’s accident, NY state law allowed for a maximum prison sentence of up to two years for drivers who injured or killed innocent victims (yes, he was caught). My brother Chris partnered with state political leaders and in less than three years, the NY driving laws were changed and dangerous drivers can now be sentenced up to seven years in prison verses the measly six months my father’s murderer served. It was not easy, but it was an effort worth pursuing even though it would be other families who would benefit more than us. The story even gained national news on “Good Morning America.”

It seems like events of such tragedy or shock get people to react in more responsive ways. This is our flaw – we’re always waiting for some sign. Oprah said it best when she said, “right now you are one choice away from a new beginning – one that leads you toward becoming the fullest human being you can be.”

Stop waiting for some bad event to jolt you towards a bold decision. The picture above is my license plate (Joe P was my Dad’s nickname) and a reminder every time I get in the car I don’t need a reason to be bold. Right now there is something you are holding back on and I want to help you act on it.

In the two question survey from my previous blog, you unanimously asked for help with making a career move. I encourage you to sign up for email notifications on this blog (see the box on the right hand side), because it’s going to get interesting. Beginning next week, I’m going to share with you my secrets for career change and advancement (including how to get a job if you don’t have one). On Valentine’s Day I’m going to launch a series of posts called “From Love to Luck: How Simple it is to Get the Most Out of Life.” The series will be four weeks (ending on St. Patrick’s Day) of simple steps that will help you organize your life and pursue some of the craziest goals that you feel you just never have time to achieve.

Just go, do it, live life!

How can I help you?

In follow up to last week's post with the missing link, please answer this two question survey so I can better help you with future blog posts.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/M7GVNNX

We Need More Pancakes!

It could have been growing up around the service industry with my father working as a pizza man and my mother working as a waitress, but I am fascinated by good customer service. At the same time, I get perplexed by poor service. Today, I’d rather talk about the positive.

Last September, my brother and I were making our way across Texas, traveling between Austin and Dallas to take in a college and pro football game. On this one Sunday morning we stopped in some small town to eat at a Denny’s, and as could be expected the place was packed. We snagged a seat at the counter instead of waiting for a table.

The beauty of sitting at the counter is that you are right in front of the kitchen and you get to see where all the action happens. I couldn’t help but notice how all the servers were irate that there were not enough pancakes coming out of the kitchen. It only took a few minutes before the manager came over. This was the same person who just moments ago was helping at the cash register and collecting a wait list as customers arrived. He asked what was wrong and you best believe his employees let him know. Without hesitation, he disappeared into the kitchen to pitch in. Two minutes later there were more pancakes flowing out of the kitchen than I could describe.

We all work in different capacities, but we all have a customer. Even those who are stay at home parents and take care of their children. When the pressure is on, are you likely to make pancakes or stay at the register?

Don’t be a Fool, Ask for Help

Wrapping up my series on lessons learned in 2009, I want to return to one life lesson that never gets old: Not being afraid to ask for help. I had to learn a lot to do my job well last year. That had not been the case for me in the many years previous to 2009. I spent the year leaning on various people in my network to help me understand how to do my job better. I’ve learned that having that audacity to ask can bring you a long way.

I have countless examples to prove the necessity of this lesson, like the help I got from so many on obtaining speaking opportunities and as a result I delivered over 20 workshops last year. I believe many of us know this to be true, but for some reason we fail to exercise ourselves to the point of actually asking for the help we need. I thought we’d spend time showing some tricks on how to gain the audacity to ask for help. Here are three tips that help me to be brave enough to ask for help.

1. Forget repayment. I find what stops many of us in our tracks before we get started is the belief that we have nothing to offer the other person in return, so why would they want to help us? Or we think we’ll owe them something and be stuck indebted to them. How wrong we are. Don’t worry about repaying the favor. Humans want to help. It’s inherent in our nature. If there is no way for you to get over this, think about repaying the debt to someone else. Consider there to be a community fund. Exceptions include “those” people who remind us of the favors they did for us when they need something. They are the exception and not the rule of society. Don’t surround yourself with too many of them.

2. Have a plan. I have one expectation when I do a favor for someone: Let me know how this is helping your bigger plan. If you can show the person you’re asking how their contribution might help move mountains, then you’ll get them to invest in you. Exceptions include asking me to meet person "X" because it would be cool or you have a celebrity/executive itch to feed.

3. Empathy and small talk. If you can get people to relate to what it is your doing, by sharing a common interest, then you will help them empathize with you. I find empathy to be one of the greatest human elements. Unfortunately, I see a lot of missed opportunities to truly connect with people. Along these same lines, you need to converse with the person outside of what you need. Waste a little time with them. Yes, this sounds like it goes against every rule of productivity I teach, but you should also chit chat with people when you don't need something. Exceptions include lying so that you gain pity from others and faking interests in what someone else is doing.

Always remember to show appreciation. Remember, everyone likes to be recognized differently. If the help received was for work purposes, I like to mention everyone who helped me instead of taking all the credit for the job. I find this way more humbling and is a great reminder that we didn’t get where we are alone.

Finally, I need your help. In my longing desire to keep my writings current, I want to hear from you. What help do you need in 2010? I cannot promise to have a solution to everything, but I can promise to make it worth your while to keep reading this blog. Take a minute to complete these two survey questions. The results will drive future blog content.

Write it Down, I Mean it…Go Do it Now!

Continuing with my lessons learned from 2009. I celebrated my 31st birthday in October of last year, but I didn’t need that to remind me I was getting older. If you only read every other post on this blog, you’ll know I firmly believe in writing down your goals with action plans. Last year I learned it’s not just the goals that should be written down. Your mind is not a collecting point, so make lists in writing. Many of us now have Blackberries or other smart phones that all give us the ability to capture what we’re thinking. So I say, write it down. Whether it be an idea you have or something to discuss with a significant other when you get home, take the time when you have the thought to write it down. We’ll talk about organizing those collections at a later time.

I could give you countless examples of where this saved me in 2009, but why not share my low moments instead. After all, self deprecating humor is something I master. I left the tent for a camping trip behind, though three of us had a great time sleeping in the back of my Ford Explorer under the stars in Death Valley. An even better example is when I went to Target in search of only two things. I was running a few errands and Target fit perfectly between two other stops. I popped in, grabbed item one and then I was lost. I couldn’t remember it. I needed only two things and I could not remember one. I sat in the store trying every memory trick in the book to recall what I forgot. Imagine someone standing there in the store staring off into space waiting for that stroke of genius. Well that was me except there was no moment of genius. It took me 20 minutes and yes, my stubborn nature refused to leave the store until I remembered the other item. It works phenomenal with goals, but it’s ideal for anything you’ll ever need to remember again. With paper out and smart phones in your hand, you have no excuse not to write it down. Next time someone asks what your goals are, don’t bother thinking about it, pull up the list you’ve written down.

Before you read this post, did you have the next thing you needed to do written down?

Forget the Weak Spots, Find the Sweet Spots

Anyone who knows me well knows I don’t read many books cover to cover. Instead I listen to a lot of them via my iPod or CDs. Last year, I read just two books in their entirety and looking back over a decade I can say with no shame the number could be counted on two hands. Meanwhile I’ve probably listened to something like 100 books in that same time period. I do read bits and pieces of some books, but it just doesn’t work for me to sit and read from beginning to end. It’s not my style and something I’ve never tried to change.

Coincidentally those two books I did read last year taught me this lesson: make the best of your strengths, instead of focusing on your weaknesses. The key here is ensuring you neutralize weakness and that it doe not knock you out of the game. I can see a lot of people’s faces reading this right now thinking “Rob, do you hear what you’re saying?” Yes, I do. Let me give you another example of why this concept works.

In 2008 I ran two marathons. Craziest thing a human can ever do. When I crossed the finish line in NY with tears in my eyes, my legs fed a message to me of “do this again and we won’t let you ski on us.” In the training for both those races I found out something important. I do really well committing to a training program if I have a specific goal and running gets me to a place where I can focus. I also learned I hate running marathons.

I applied this to my 2009 running goals. I ran about a half dozen races last year and two were with a time goal in mind. Up first was the Camp Pendleton Mud Run which I finished in an hour flat, cutting 8 minutes off my previous personal best and a finish in the top 5%. The other race was the Seattle Rock ‘N’ Roll half marathon where my goal for the race was simple: sub 8 minute miles for 13.2 miles. In achieving that goal I got something more. I found that sweet spot where I zoned out the last two miles for the first time in a year and a half. Imagine your body enduring a full gauntlet of painful activity, but instead to feel completely relaxed without an ounce of pain.

I know finishing one marathon, let alone two is a great accomplishment and something I should make me proud. It does and it gave me some great things to blog about. However, it just was not fun for me. I could also try to read more books, but I don’t like that either.

When you look at your development plan or how you spend your time at work are you focused on your strengths or are you consumed by your flaws? Do you find yourself wrapped up with things you’ve failed doing in the past or leveraging successful moments that remind you of what you do best?

The First Step is Admitting It

All change begins with setting priorities

As 2009 ended I prepared to send out my year end email. However, I realized I needed to focus more on sharing than bragging. As 2010 gets going I have a lot to be happy about from what I accomplished last year. I want to kick off my blog this year with the lessons I learned from last year.

Previous to last year I spent my time consumed by work. I had saw three straight relationship end at a point where they were ready to go to the next level, but needed work and commitment to grow. Instead of investing in the relationship, I redirected resources to work. It’s easy to look back now and see what was wrong, but I couldn’t see it then. I was consumed with work. I was so absorbed by it that I couldn’t even put myself as a top priority let along a significant other.

As I entered 2009 I did something I had not done in the previous years. I determined my personal goals with action plans for them and made them my focus. I started with what I needed for me. I needed time to refresh, so I listed 10 days of skiing (I got 23). I needed time to release energy, so I ran races, two in personal best times. I needed to plan more for the future and so I committed to saving more money are researching business school programs. Every personal goal got crossed of at year end, a first for me.

This is easier said than done. I had failed at prioritizing in the past. This time before I would put anything on the calendar for work, I would put my needs on first and let work fit in around it. Amazing concept, huh? In the nine plus years I’ve been working since graduating college, I never took a full week vacation. I made some attempts, took a lot of long weekends, but failed to truly step away from work. Last year I did it twice, once planned out six months in advance to see Oktoberfest in Munich and another way more spontaneously with less than 3 weeks notice to explore Alaska.

The best part about prioritizing was that I was able to spend time searching for someone to love. In typical “Rob form”, I created a process (more on that in a future blog post), and I explored eHarmony. I found an amazing woman and found the true reward of making a commitment to my goals.

I've been asked many times over the past decade to list my priorities and I can honestly say I spent a lot of time lying to myself. When you look at your calendar from week to week; does it reflect your top priorities? If you fail to plan for it, then you fail to make it a priority.