Pinch Me!

It seems that there are three points during each year which allow me to reflect on my life: Fourth of July and Christmas because of their proximity to the middle and end of the year. Those are my ideal time to set and review my goals in-depth. The third is my birthday…today.

Given many challenges I’ve faced over 33 years, I always feel like my life is constantly getting better. Or it could be that I keep facing new changes which end up keeping me entertained. Either way, my life is pretty much amazing and I wanted to take this opportunity to celebrate that (instead of just another number).
I’m not posting this to brag, but rather to help you have an awesome life too. I’m a big believer in the law of attraction. If you want it bad enough then it will come to you, but it does takes a lot of hard work. I’ve noticed a few things have helped me capitalize on the quality of my life and I want to share them with you. I’m curious if you agree or have others to add.

First is my family and friends. My immediate family is 17 and growing (but this applies to even those with small families). I’ve also got an even larger extended family that manages to do a great job of staying together. In addition, I have some very dear friends and a wide circle of ‘close acquaintances.’ The key here is not only are these people fun to be with, but I invest in them when they need me. This can be hard at times, but sometimes it’s just being a person to lend an ear or extend an arm for comfort. You’ve got to determine what sort of support network you need. In preparation for our next chapter, Kim and I have decided to move to the east coast so our future children can grow up closer to our amazing families. We are sad to leave behind our wonderful west coast friends, but we know the connections we’ve made with them will make it very easy to stay in touch. Even if you don’t come from a large family, you’ve got to ID your support network and continuously invest in them.

Next, Kim and I are in a constant pursuit to love our jobs. Thankfully, I’m on edge daily trying not to become a workaholic because I enjoy my job so much. I’m lucky because so many people are not happy in their jobs. Fifty percent of Americans admit they don’t like their jobs and another 20% say they show up just to collect a paycheck. It’s for this reason that we made the decision for Kim to leave her job. The passion was gone for her. I realize unemployment is through the roof, but you cannot put a price tag on happiness. It’s not that we’re fortunate enough to pull it off, it’s that we worked our butts off to be ahead. You’re committing 40 hours (or more) to work each week, so do a self check to see that you love it. If not, you’ll need a plan to get to that point.

Finally, it’s about having priorities and knowing what ‘awesome’ looks like. It’s important to have good perspective on things. I always struggle watching those kids on “American Idol” who truly don’t know they suck. Ferris Bueller really sets us up for success when he says, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” I stop and look around at the most random times: the top of a ski lift, when sitting in front of a fire place, or every morning when I wake up. I also do this at the worst of times. I reflect and look at my situation. Did I put myself here? Is it just part of life? Is it really that bad or am I overreacting? This allows me to know that right now, even with a lot of stress in my life and more coming, that things are awesome. Have you paused lately to make a comparison?

So tell me, am I on the mark or are these three things not enough for you to position yourself for a great life? You only get one shot, so leave the regrets and the sense of feeling bitter at the door.

My Obsession with Efficiency

In the summer of 2003 I made a decision that when I grew up I wanted to be the CEO of the world’s greatest aerospace company. I made this huge life decision after a 3 month assignment in a position that was supposed to be my future ended up being a bust. My motivation for wanting to be CEO was I felt my need to leave a mark on this world. I had recently lost my father rather suddenly and thought I had to commit myself to being remembered. Hopefully you can see this wasn’t a decision I took lightly. I changed my mind 2 years later and thought being the CEO was as hopeless as me being an astronaut.

What happened? I got a lucky crack at a position in management. I had a dozen great people on my team. The team was diverse in their backgrounds, skill set and thought. I loved working with them. I hated having them work for me. This was the first time I really started to see the inefficiencies in others. How could I not notice? Their performance would determine my success in the position. The observations were not limited to my group, but also the groups which delivered a product to us and those to which we delivered our product (we worked on an airplane assembly line). It’s ok though, because that realization helped me change my “what I want to be when I grow up” goal. Since then that goal is to develop the future leaders of the world’s greatest aerospace company.

The rationalization came to me on a flight from Dallas to Los Angeles. I sat next to a guy who fathered a baby with a woman that he had been dating. He lived in LA and she lived in Dallas, but they committed to making it work. This guy was just like me (not the baby part). He could talk you through an exciting story like a rollercoaster and get you to want to hold on for the ride. Then he told me about how he acted around his newborn daughter. He told me how his time with her was only about her. He turned off the TV, the phone, and put away anything else that could distract him. I realized in order to get more of that quality time there needed to be some level of efficiency in everything else we do. That’s why I push to be so efficient, so that I can enjoy those priceless moments.

Unfortunately over the past few months my hair has been on fire and my own personal efficiency has been crap. I was reminded of this when I got to meet my new niece earlier this month (pictured above - only 3 weeks old at the time). I need to get back in the game so I don't miss those moments.

I’ve got some great ideas I’ve compiled on how we can be more effective and I’ll share them here. These items range from email to meetings and communication. This isn’t just about being organized; it’s about being efficient with the time we have to feel the biggest ROI. What are your thoughts on how your time is consumed?

The Choice to Be Happy

As this blog comes back to life, I’m going to challenge you, but before we get to that point we need to level set. I need you to understand the options you have available to you in life.

Last month I had lunch with my friend Kenny, who used to work for me when I was a manager in aircraft operations. He’s probably about 15 years older than me and when we worked together I was probably only 25. We’ve always been real candid with each other and that’s probably why our friendship fostered. We didn’t always see eye-to-eye, but that didn’t stop either of us from letting the other know our view on the world. I liked my ideas to be challenged, it made me stronger.

The lunch conversation went very differently than one would have back then. Kenny used to see himself with a pessimistic view on things. This time however, I would propose an idea, doubt it and Kenny would jump in and say “why not.” He kept encouraging me to find the possibility in my ideas. Keep in mind I’m not a pessimist. Kenny told me how his perspective changed a lot over the years due to my attitude. He told me “if something bad happens, I just realize that’s how it was meant to be and I’d deal with it. Getting upset doesn’t help the situation.” I’m a rather big optimist, but it didn’t hurt having Kenny remind me that we always have the option of making the choice to be happy.

Thanks to social media we have the ability to interact with hundreds of people in just a moment. In an instant we can see how excited a friend’s vacation was or find out how miserable someone is cause their flight was delayed at the airport. We will be challenged in life, time and time again. I think social media offers a way to share our challenges or struggles and get a wide variety of help from our friends. But if you’re paying attention like I am, our friends are not sharing their struggles. Some are just plain miserable and make it seem like the world has it out for them.

It’s harder for some to make this decision (to be happy), but it’s one that is there for all of us. Most importantly, you have to recognize how the decision you make impacts not only you. If you are positive it will influence those around you and if you’re miserable, no doubt it will infect your work team. I’m going to constantly push you to make lemonade in challenging situations, so remember you always get a choice.

When you have to interact with someone who is a victim of their own situation, do you confront them or let them infect others?

My Shtick (Why you should read this blog)

Ever wake up one morning and wonder what you were doing with your life? Well four years ago today I woke up wondering how I was going to live my life after just losing my mother to almost a decade long battle with lung cancer. My goal here today is to revive this blog with energy and intent. If you are new to reading this blog, then I promise you stories and probing questions that will help you become a more effective person.

The term effective is left up to your interpretation. Effective could be a more successful career, a more devoted mother or a stronger level of involvement in your community. I’ve got an amazing ability with words (hence the blog) and a way with finding the best in others. That what I’m best at or as my friend Kenny says it this is my shtick. I have this way of inspiring people and helping them become a more complete person. I don’t have a script on how we find a better you, so I apologize now if you want an outline. I’m not here to say there is something wrong with you. It’s possible you are reading and thinking to yourself “hey, my life is pretty freakin awesome.” If that’s the case, then consider me here to help you make it really freakin awesome.

The chairman of Google said that there is as much information created in 48 hours as there was from the beginning of mankind up until 2003. Given that, my goal is to be structured. I’ll aim to release blog posts on Monday and Thursday mornings. I challenge you to keep me honest on that promise. For those who want to understand the running reference for the blog, you can read my first blog post: “One Day I Just Started Running.” This is where my story begins.

Why I won't flake on my wedding today

A few years ago I was participating in a team offsite where we were all asked to define the probability (0 to 100%) of us showing up to an event. If we responded to the planner saying ‘yes’ I'll be there, then we were asked the same question using the responses ‘maybe’, ‘I think so’, ‘possibly’, ‘no’ and a few others. The summary from the team just to the response of ‘yes’ shocked me. While I said 100%, the team was not consistent. Answers ranged from 50 to 98%. As we went through ten or so other possible responses that covered everything between 'yes' and 'no' I was less surprised. As expected the numbers were all over the map, ranging from 0 to 95%. My answer to all the 'maybe' type of responses was zero. My logic here is I don't answer with a response of maybe. I also said zero when I selected a response of 'no'. Again the team shocked me when some gave a probability higher than zero for when they responded 'no'. When people do this I'm personally annoyed cause I now have to accommodate someone who gave me no indication they would show. I like surprises to the extent that it doesn't adversely affect the planning.

Over the last decade I've organized hundreds of meetings, events and trips. Nothing entertains me more than the consistent flake. In fact for my adventure group we have a tracking mechanism for flakes. Could you imagine if you had a stat tracker for co-workers, friends or family members with events you organize? You would think anger might be the feeling, but when you see the trends you hopefully might understand my perspective. Some classic examples include the person who has a cancellation rate of 100%, the people who cancel within a few hours of their friend canceling or my person favorite is those who cancel at the very last minute due to an emergency. The reason the last answer gets me the most is how close to event time these people wait to say that they have encountered an emergency. I've seen so many 'I had an emergency' responses over the years that I unfortunately see the person as a poor planner before giving them empathy. Don't get me wrong emergencies happen however, from my point of view, most of the time the person seems to be holding on to hope for a last minute miracle. I'm sorry to say, but when you bail on a trip because you had 'work pop up' or 'needed to get homework done for a class' it says to me that you failed to meet your other commitments and my event is now a lower priority on your list.

I could go on with other examples, but I may offend those classic flakers. Maybe its just that I have an appreciation for the event planner or it could be that I plan my commitments better. I will admit I have flaked, so I am not perfect. Coincidentally it seems that the few times when I did flake the event tanked or turned into a disaster. That's still not a good excuse. For me my response of yes means 100% assurance I will be there. I don't operate with maybe in my vocabulary. I know for some, maybe is a way of life. It is a great response to use so you can upgrade to another event without shame.

I'm sure when you read the title you thought of course I wouldn't flake on my own wedding, but I hope you see it’s obvious for a different reason. Those who know me understand I take commitments of all sizes seriously. I know at times we are pressured for quick answers, but you should have the right to request time to consider your ability to commit.

The question I have for you is if you hold the reputation with your peers as one of a person they can count on when you say yes or if you are a flaker. If it’s the latter, then think about your answer the next time you make a commitment.