Don’t be a Fool, Ask for Help

Wrapping up my series on lessons learned in 2009, I want to return to one life lesson that never gets old: Not being afraid to ask for help. I had to learn a lot to do my job well last year. That had not been the case for me in the many years previous to 2009. I spent the year leaning on various people in my network to help me understand how to do my job better. I’ve learned that having that audacity to ask can bring you a long way.

I have countless examples to prove the necessity of this lesson, like the help I got from so many on obtaining speaking opportunities and as a result I delivered over 20 workshops last year. I believe many of us know this to be true, but for some reason we fail to exercise ourselves to the point of actually asking for the help we need. I thought we’d spend time showing some tricks on how to gain the audacity to ask for help. Here are three tips that help me to be brave enough to ask for help.

1. Forget repayment. I find what stops many of us in our tracks before we get started is the belief that we have nothing to offer the other person in return, so why would they want to help us? Or we think we’ll owe them something and be stuck indebted to them. How wrong we are. Don’t worry about repaying the favor. Humans want to help. It’s inherent in our nature. If there is no way for you to get over this, think about repaying the debt to someone else. Consider there to be a community fund. Exceptions include “those” people who remind us of the favors they did for us when they need something. They are the exception and not the rule of society. Don’t surround yourself with too many of them.

2. Have a plan. I have one expectation when I do a favor for someone: Let me know how this is helping your bigger plan. If you can show the person you’re asking how their contribution might help move mountains, then you’ll get them to invest in you. Exceptions include asking me to meet person "X" because it would be cool or you have a celebrity/executive itch to feed.

3. Empathy and small talk. If you can get people to relate to what it is your doing, by sharing a common interest, then you will help them empathize with you. I find empathy to be one of the greatest human elements. Unfortunately, I see a lot of missed opportunities to truly connect with people. Along these same lines, you need to converse with the person outside of what you need. Waste a little time with them. Yes, this sounds like it goes against every rule of productivity I teach, but you should also chit chat with people when you don't need something. Exceptions include lying so that you gain pity from others and faking interests in what someone else is doing.

Always remember to show appreciation. Remember, everyone likes to be recognized differently. If the help received was for work purposes, I like to mention everyone who helped me instead of taking all the credit for the job. I find this way more humbling and is a great reminder that we didn’t get where we are alone.

Finally, I need your help. In my longing desire to keep my writings current, I want to hear from you. What help do you need in 2010? I cannot promise to have a solution to everything, but I can promise to make it worth your while to keep reading this blog. Take a minute to complete these two survey questions. The results will drive future blog content.