The Choice to Be Happy

As this blog comes back to life, I’m going to challenge you, but before we get to that point we need to level set. I need you to understand the options you have available to you in life.

Last month I had lunch with my friend Kenny, who used to work for me when I was a manager in aircraft operations. He’s probably about 15 years older than me and when we worked together I was probably only 25. We’ve always been real candid with each other and that’s probably why our friendship fostered. We didn’t always see eye-to-eye, but that didn’t stop either of us from letting the other know our view on the world. I liked my ideas to be challenged, it made me stronger.

The lunch conversation went very differently than one would have back then. Kenny used to see himself with a pessimistic view on things. This time however, I would propose an idea, doubt it and Kenny would jump in and say “why not.” He kept encouraging me to find the possibility in my ideas. Keep in mind I’m not a pessimist. Kenny told me how his perspective changed a lot over the years due to my attitude. He told me “if something bad happens, I just realize that’s how it was meant to be and I’d deal with it. Getting upset doesn’t help the situation.” I’m a rather big optimist, but it didn’t hurt having Kenny remind me that we always have the option of making the choice to be happy.

Thanks to social media we have the ability to interact with hundreds of people in just a moment. In an instant we can see how excited a friend’s vacation was or find out how miserable someone is cause their flight was delayed at the airport. We will be challenged in life, time and time again. I think social media offers a way to share our challenges or struggles and get a wide variety of help from our friends. But if you’re paying attention like I am, our friends are not sharing their struggles. Some are just plain miserable and make it seem like the world has it out for them.

It’s harder for some to make this decision (to be happy), but it’s one that is there for all of us. Most importantly, you have to recognize how the decision you make impacts not only you. If you are positive it will influence those around you and if you’re miserable, no doubt it will infect your work team. I’m going to constantly push you to make lemonade in challenging situations, so remember you always get a choice.

When you have to interact with someone who is a victim of their own situation, do you confront them or let them infect others?

My Shtick (Why you should read this blog)

Ever wake up one morning and wonder what you were doing with your life? Well four years ago today I woke up wondering how I was going to live my life after just losing my mother to almost a decade long battle with lung cancer. My goal here today is to revive this blog with energy and intent. If you are new to reading this blog, then I promise you stories and probing questions that will help you become a more effective person.

The term effective is left up to your interpretation. Effective could be a more successful career, a more devoted mother or a stronger level of involvement in your community. I’ve got an amazing ability with words (hence the blog) and a way with finding the best in others. That what I’m best at or as my friend Kenny says it this is my shtick. I have this way of inspiring people and helping them become a more complete person. I don’t have a script on how we find a better you, so I apologize now if you want an outline. I’m not here to say there is something wrong with you. It’s possible you are reading and thinking to yourself “hey, my life is pretty freakin awesome.” If that’s the case, then consider me here to help you make it really freakin awesome.

The chairman of Google said that there is as much information created in 48 hours as there was from the beginning of mankind up until 2003. Given that, my goal is to be structured. I’ll aim to release blog posts on Monday and Thursday mornings. I challenge you to keep me honest on that promise. For those who want to understand the running reference for the blog, you can read my first blog post: “One Day I Just Started Running.” This is where my story begins.

Why I won't flake on my wedding today

A few years ago I was participating in a team offsite where we were all asked to define the probability (0 to 100%) of us showing up to an event. If we responded to the planner saying ‘yes’ I'll be there, then we were asked the same question using the responses ‘maybe’, ‘I think so’, ‘possibly’, ‘no’ and a few others. The summary from the team just to the response of ‘yes’ shocked me. While I said 100%, the team was not consistent. Answers ranged from 50 to 98%. As we went through ten or so other possible responses that covered everything between 'yes' and 'no' I was less surprised. As expected the numbers were all over the map, ranging from 0 to 95%. My answer to all the 'maybe' type of responses was zero. My logic here is I don't answer with a response of maybe. I also said zero when I selected a response of 'no'. Again the team shocked me when some gave a probability higher than zero for when they responded 'no'. When people do this I'm personally annoyed cause I now have to accommodate someone who gave me no indication they would show. I like surprises to the extent that it doesn't adversely affect the planning.

Over the last decade I've organized hundreds of meetings, events and trips. Nothing entertains me more than the consistent flake. In fact for my adventure group we have a tracking mechanism for flakes. Could you imagine if you had a stat tracker for co-workers, friends or family members with events you organize? You would think anger might be the feeling, but when you see the trends you hopefully might understand my perspective. Some classic examples include the person who has a cancellation rate of 100%, the people who cancel within a few hours of their friend canceling or my person favorite is those who cancel at the very last minute due to an emergency. The reason the last answer gets me the most is how close to event time these people wait to say that they have encountered an emergency. I've seen so many 'I had an emergency' responses over the years that I unfortunately see the person as a poor planner before giving them empathy. Don't get me wrong emergencies happen however, from my point of view, most of the time the person seems to be holding on to hope for a last minute miracle. I'm sorry to say, but when you bail on a trip because you had 'work pop up' or 'needed to get homework done for a class' it says to me that you failed to meet your other commitments and my event is now a lower priority on your list.

I could go on with other examples, but I may offend those classic flakers. Maybe its just that I have an appreciation for the event planner or it could be that I plan my commitments better. I will admit I have flaked, so I am not perfect. Coincidentally it seems that the few times when I did flake the event tanked or turned into a disaster. That's still not a good excuse. For me my response of yes means 100% assurance I will be there. I don't operate with maybe in my vocabulary. I know for some, maybe is a way of life. It is a great response to use so you can upgrade to another event without shame.

I'm sure when you read the title you thought of course I wouldn't flake on my own wedding, but I hope you see it’s obvious for a different reason. Those who know me understand I take commitments of all sizes seriously. I know at times we are pressured for quick answers, but you should have the right to request time to consider your ability to commit.

The question I have for you is if you hold the reputation with your peers as one of a person they can count on when you say yes or if you are a flaker. If it’s the latter, then think about your answer the next time you make a commitment.