The Upgrade Delimma

As you may have seen, this past weekend I got engaged. Many asked me if I was nervous and the answer was a simple “not at all.” Sure I got anxious as it got closer, but only because I couldn’t wait. The one interesting thing that surprised me most about this relationship was how early on I knew Kim could be “the one.” We’ve only known each other for 13 months. Sure, other engagements may be more drastic, but we were discussing marriage after only eight months of dating. We both knew what we wanted in a partner and we knew we found it in each other. Both of us being planners definitely fueled the speed of our relationship.

Over the past month, while I was sorting out the proposal details, I received a lot of questions about career decisions. One common theme evolved: How can I accept an offer if something better out there exists? This reminded me of the “How I Met Your Mother” episode (“Rabbit or Duck”) where Barney leaves one girl after another because he thinks each one is better than the last.

I tie all of these topics together to make one point: Know what you want. In a job or career you need to find a sweet spot – that role where you rely on both your greatest abilities and the things you enjoy the most. Yes you can have both and you should. The same is true in a relationship. You’ve got to know what you’re looking for in a partner. In both a career and a relationship you should be coupled with something that fills in for your weaknesses. To sum up what Jerry McGuire said, you need someone who completes you.

Now if you follow those guidelines, you shouldn’t have to worry about upgrading to a better partner or job. We’re obsessed with comparing our options, whether it be a website that lets us click three products to compare or a friend asking where we want to go to dinner. Most of our decisions in life are made after doing a comparison. The sad news is this ruins us for the big decisions. It keeps us from committing to the right partner or makes us decline a great job offer. Your ability to analyze a standalone opportunity is going to keep you moving forward in life. Don’t ever think of it as settling. Consider lining up your offer with what you want. If you determine what you want in a non-bias state (e.g. before the offer or decision point comes along) and it allows you to operate in your sweet spot, then I promise you’ll be able to make the right decision.